50 things to do in a mall
by Swimmergirl
Summary: Layne and Claire have some fun in the mall
1. ready, set, go!

Westchester Mall

June 27th

2:30 PM

Claire glanced down at her list and giggled. This was one of their stupidest ideas yet. She and Layne had gotten bored to they came up with 50 things to do in the mall:

Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.

Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.

Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.

At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"

Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.

Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them un-sellable.

Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King...

...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food".

Follow patrons of D. Balton's around while reading aloud from Dianetics.

Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.

Ask a salesman why a particular tv is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"

Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.

Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.

Test mattresses in your pajamas.

Ask the tobacconist if his hovercraft is full of eels.

If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.

Sprint up the down escalator.

Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture".

Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.

Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.

Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.

At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.

Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.

Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.

Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.

Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.

Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."

Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.

Play the tuba for change.

Ask the Hammond organ dealer if he can play "Jesus Built My Hotrod".

Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.

Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz".

Ask the personnel at Peer 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw".

"Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.

Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.

Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.

Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell". Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.

Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling "scratch one flattop!"

Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".

"Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.

Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.

Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.

If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on your lap.

Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's."

Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.

At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.

Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."

Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.

This was going to be fun.


	2. lets have some fun, shall we?

I'm only writing scenes for the ones I find especially funny. Deal.

Task 5:

Claire and Layne smiled at each other and nodded. Layne got on first, then Claire. The moment Claire stepped on she started screaming at the top of her lungs: My SHOE LACES! AHHHHHH! HELP! Everyone looked at her. Someone started to run up to her and she immediately stopped screaming and she and Layne sprinted up the escalators leaving everyone in a daze.

Task 6:

They entered FYE and went up to the soundtracks. Layne stood there and examined a CD. She examined the most expensive one with great care. She then turned it over to the price sticker and made a confused face. She walked over to a sales person and asked with an innocent voice: is this price in pesos or rubles? She sales person looked at her like she was crazy. He replied: Um, they're in dollars. Layne looked from the price sticker to the man then back to the price stick in utter suprize. She let out and huff and set the CD back down, leaving the store.

Task 14:

Claire laughed at their reflections in the bathroom mirror. They had pancake make-up on and brand new clothes. The two of them marched out of the bathroom and snuck into the American Eagle display section. They put their arms at an odd angle and stood motionless. Every 30 seconds they would scream in terror, scaring passer-buyers. They would scream especially loud when cute boys passed; then resume the motionless state.

Task 22:

Claire went up to the saw display and rubbed her chin, looking like she was in deep thought. An employee approached her and asked if he could help her. She looked up at him and relpied: Why, yes. I was wondering which one of these cuts best though bone. She stared at him as if she had asked of a napkin. The flabbergasted boy shook his head. "I really couldn't say ma'am." Claire gave him one last look at walked away.

Task 30:

Layne and Claire inched their way down the mall. They were wearing their new obnoxiously yellow pair of 2 inch pump that were still tied together with the string. They simply smiled and waved at people that gave them funny looks.

Task 34:

Layne went into the medicine store and started looking at the cold medicines. A sales lady came up and asked her if she could be of service. Layne inquired: Which leading cold remedy will give me a really wicked buzz? The ladies eyes got huge and Layne stood there and let out a hmmmm. She grabbed a 300 count bottle of Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine Effervescent Tablets and handed the woman 10 dollar bill.

Task 37:

The two friends stood in the food court with serious faces on. They were handing out paint brochures to people that passed them. They were talking in a preacher's voice and saying things like: God forgives you for what you did last night. or You cannot hide anything from the lord, to the brochure receivers.

Task 47:

Claire inspected the flea collars at the pet store. She reached for one and fastened it around her neck. Then, collar still on, she reached up and vigorously scratched behind her ear. She took off the collar and yelled: this one doesn't work either! Repeat till she got asked to leave.

Task 50:

Layne and Claire stood at the register in the candy shop and plopped their mega jawbreakers in their mouths and left. The sat in the food court 15 minutes then got up and stomped back in the candy store . The went up to the man that sold them the candy and reached in their mouths and pulled out the jawbreakers. They then started yelling that "they haven't turned blue yet!" while waving the jawbreaker around, sending spit flying everywhere. They did this for a full minute and then left in a huff.


End file.
